Ups and Downs

I'm feeling like The Dude.

It was 'up' this weekend when I sent Never Believe. Truth be told, I wasn't sure I would do the route this year at all, so when I sent it on my last burn on Sunday, I felt like I dodged a bullet. Next week's weather is looking touch and go, so a season's worth of training was looking like it'd come up short. Saturday's attempts were sorry enough to leave me swinging in the air on the end of a rope, swearing at the top of my lungs. I fell on multiple attempts well below my high point on the route, and was wondering if I'd lost so much strength from my time off that I was doomed. That fate seemed especially cruel given that I'd come so close to sending just 10 days before, falling just below the anchors. It was looking like I'd have to be content with whatever else I'd sent this season. Even though I could be proud of a couple of other 12b's and 12c's, I wouldn't have done a 12D.

When I managed to put it together on Never Believe for what might well be my last route of the season at Rifle Mountain Park, things were definitely up. Never Believe is my first 12D at Rifle, and Rifle's a place where I feel like grades are legit. I've done a number of other hard 12's, and even a couple of easy 13's, on the front range, but sending in Rifle feels like there is some vindication involved.

But remember that in The Dude's world, it's ups and downs; strikes and gutters.

I had been in the running for a job with the Access Fund, the national advocacy group that works to keep climbing access on public and private land. The job description seemed right in my wheelhouse, and in my phone interviews with the Executive Director, I learned I was one of the finalists. My mind started running through the possibilities.
I knew I'd be working more hours for less dough, but the trade off, working for something I was really excited about, seemed like a great challenge. I started thinking about budgets, and felt like I could make it work. My commute would be WAY more convenient, and I'd have consistent interaction with people who are much more in my peer group. I started adding up some of the trips I have planned (skiing in February, East Coast with Katie for New Years, climbing over Halloween) and even began to think about how I'd manage to get the time off from my new job. I had even settled on which pants to wear for the interview.

When I got a phone call today from the Access Fund, I assumed it would be to check my schedule and set up an interview. Unfortunately, the bomb quickly dropped. The position had been filled. Part of the job revolved around managing a large fund for land acquisitions, and while I've got plenty of experience with the land acquisition part, the person who would be taking the job had just been in charge of another acquisition fund. Damn, it was hard to argue with that.

I was left to try to put together what just happened. A few minutes prior, I'd been putting together a wardrobe that would impress my new colleagues. Now, I'm sorting through the aftermath. I'm back to square one, which, in truth, is a good square. My job doesn't suck in the least, and I've got fine colleagues who are suitably impressed with my trousers. (And any who might be reading need not go forth with any of this to one John L. Obourn, Jr.) But the problem is, I've been trying to figure out where to go from here, even if here is just fine. I've taken the GRE's, the GMAT's, and applied for other jobs. I've even tried to enroll in a GODDAMN REAL ESTATE COURSE. That one really threw my friends and family for a loop. The point is, I've been trying to figure out what to do with myself ever since I graduated college, and the only thing I can come up with is to go rock climbing as much as possible. Maybe that's the point.

At least I've got something I can grab onto. The holds on climbs don't pay, but they give me something on the upside. The Dude abides.