Montrose

Most of the hotel rooms are booked for the next few days down here in Montrose. There is a sheriff's conference in town, and Johnny Law has taken all the beds in the Hampton Inn and the Holiday Inn Express. Drat. Those are my two hotel chains that I try to stay with to hook up the rewards points. When the girl at the front desk of the Holiday Inn shook her head and told me about the conference, my heart sank a bit. In most of the small towns where I work, there aren't any really nice hotels, and when the national chains are booked up, it's usually a sign that the night is going to get roachy. I've started taking a sleeping bag with me on most of my overnight work trips, especially since I was nearly shut out of all the hotels in Meeker last summer. On that trip, I was pretty close to bedding down in my car at City Park, but fortunately found a little bed and breakfast about 20 miles up the river.

And tonight, I was pretty close to resigning myself to the same "in a van down by there river" fate. Fortunately, Little Miss Holiday Inn called around and found a room at the Black Canyon Motel. I got the directions, and headed down the road toward the place, hoping for the best.

I actually couldn't find the hotel at first, but saw a Best Western. Firmly placing my trust in comfortable recognition, I walked in and hoped that maybe the officer's had overlooked this one. They hadn't. The older, huskier, furrier manager informed me that they were out of space, too. I expressed my dismay about the sheer quantity of cops in town, and jokingly told her I was bummed cause I wouldn't be able to get all wasted and raise hell on Main Street. She looked like the kind of woman who could honestly call from her memory the sensation of getting too drunk, raising too much hell, and finding herself in handcuffs in the back of a cruiser. With sadness in her eyes, she gave me a look like, "Sheeeet. I might find a place for ya. Got little Jethro Junior back at the trailer...maybe we could go halfers on another one..." while the smell of her tobacco spit wafted into my nose.

I politely asked for directions to the original destination, the Black Canyon Motel, and excused myself from the office. Quickly. It turns out that I was just a few blocks short of my intended domicile, but found a nugget along the way. Turns out, Montrose has a four screen movie theatre. Bringing the blog full circle, I went and saw The Hangover.

I wrote up the anticipation of the trailer a few posts ago, and was pretty psyched to get some distraction. Figuring I'd grab a bite to eat and then catch the film, I checked in to the Black Canyon and found a perfectly servicable room waiting. It was as good as I could have hoped for, given the massive police presence. I got cleaned up and started walking the 6 blocks or so to the theatre, making a fe calls and scouting a place to eat. I passed the ubiquitous Great Wall Chinese buffet, but had a lot more faith in the steak house up the road. When I got to the front door, though, it was locked shut and I realized I was in a similar spot with dinner as I had been with the hotels. In depressing slow motion, I looked all around and saw the only "dining establishment" within walking distance: Pizza Hut. Looking at my watch and realizing I didn't have enough time to go anywhere else before the movie started, I walked across the street and prayed for a salad bar.

I did, in fact, find a salad bar. It was as weak as you'd imagine such at a podunk Pizza Hut. I wolfed down a little of their highly hyped pasta, which was oddly reminiscent of a sausage pizza poured over spiral pasta, and then raced to the movie across the street.

The reviews I'd heard were sufficiently glowing to provide me with some serious optimism going in. I'll save you the trouble, and just tell you that this is one of those films that gives it up all on the movie equivalent of the first date...the trailer. There's not much in there that you didn't already know, and the "surprises" are mostly just weird. For example, there's a very gay Asian pseudo crime boss antagonist, who mostly just acts weird and annoying. You see some really gross fat guy asses here and there, and that's about it. And, oh yeah, (spoiler alert) their buddy Doug? He got locked out on the roof. Tah Dah!!! Lame.

Lame. There you have it. The life of a travelling landman ain't so glamorous. But then again, I'm headed to Telluride tomorrow, and maybe things are going to get super exciting down there. I'll keep you posted.